Why Your Friendships are Important.
This week at the Well House, we look at something most people don’t think much about.
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Yesterday, I worked from 9am to 5pm. If you were in Nashville, you know it rained a good bit all day long. I was out in that rain for the entire day, and I finished my eight hour shift exhausted and soaked. I immediately went home, changed, and drove to a friends house. I think we tend to assume the answer to this question but I want us to actually think about it.
Why do we make the choice to spend time with other people? Why is it worth our time to be around others? Think about that for a second.
[We talked about the fact that people are fun, but also the fact that sometimes you need time by yourself. I think there were four introverts at the table so that makes some sense]
I want to tell you about a man named Viktor Frankl. He was a psychologist appointed as the head of the suicide ward of a major hospital. He had close to 30,000 patients, and large numbers killed themselves every day. However, Frankl studied how human beings processed meaning in life on a psychological level. He implemented programs to make the patients lives meaningful.
First, he gave the patients projects to work on, like building gardens or major repairs. Second, they met in community groups and each patient listed the worst parts of their day. Then, they had to come up with something good that came as a result of those worst parts. Finally, those community groups affirmed one another and maintained that they wanted each other around.
In his mind,a meaningful life comes from having a task to pursue, a redemptive perspective on life’s challenges and the unconditional love and support of a community around you. The patients at the ward were given all of those, and it cut the number of suicides to zero by the time Frankl left.
I want to hone in on the last of those three things.
I think we’re all made to be around other people. For a minute though, I want us to think about two things;
First, when is a time you’ve felt most alone? Second, why do you think aloneness sucks so much?
[We hit on self-imposed aloneness. Personally, I believed for a long time that people just didn’t want me around. It pushed me away from them, and that was horrible. There’s a human need to be accepted by others. We’re made for relationship and without it, life isn’t great.]
I’m reading a book right now called Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. I reached a part yesterday where she described all the odd jobs she took to support her writing career, and she said when she was a waitress, she learned everyone has a story that’ll rip your heart out. As a bartender, she learned that everyone wanted to tell you that story.
Everyone has a story to tell, but not everyone has a chance to tell theirs. The world we live in can be a very lonely one, and people get left out pretty easily.
I want to tell you a little of my own story. My junior year of high school was one of the hardest in my life. In one week, two of my friends threatened to commit suicide. I was the one they called to say “Hey I’m thinking about doing this,” so I was the one who talked them down.
I also didn’t have the best relationship with my parents at this point, and due to the stress I was under, I struggled in school. As my grades faltered, I fought with my parents more. I also felt extremely isolated from friends at church and school. Needless to say, the end of that year was pretty horrible.
Before we move on, ask yourself how you’ve coped with loneliness in the past.
[Community, community, community. Namely, finding something in common with people. I did an activity in middle school where everyone at a summer camp wrote “I know how you feel” on a card. The speaker would list off things like cancer, divorce, or death of a family member, and everyone who experienced those things stood up to exchange papers with someone around them. Additionally, we started to touch on loneliness as a result of mental illness, and so medication came up as a valid solution.]
To finish the story of my junior year of high school,
I went to a camp that summer like always. I got to the point late in the week that I ended up running away from everyone around me. My run landed me in the front pew of the prayer chapel, alone.
As I sat bawling my eyes out and praying, I felt what I can only describe as the presence of Jesus sitting next to me, putting His arm around me, and saying, “You’re not alone.”
We should probably get into our text for the week. Spoiler alert; John 17 is basically Jesus spitting out a ton of pronouns. It’s very indirect, but it’s also beautiful and deeply profound. To set the scene, this is Jesus at the end of his ministry praying for his closest followers. He details some of his most sincere wishes for those who follow him. Here’s what he says;
“As you, Father, are in me and I am in you, may they also be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me.”
The Trinity is a ridiculously hard concept to understand. In 1 John, it says God is love. That’s the unifying, defining nature of who God is. However, God is also three in one. There is Father, Spirit and Son all in Him. This is really imprecise but I almost think of it as three people clutching each other tight in embrace.
However, this passage also shows God’s will for His people. Even as the three persons of the trinity maintain a relationship by clutching each other close, they turn open arms to everyone on earth.
God wants the same for us that He experiences in His being, and He is constantly giving the invitation of His open arms to all of us. Making the choice to accept His invitation changes us irrevocably. 2 Corinthians 3:18 says;
And all of us, with unveiled faces, seeing the glory of the Lord as though reflected in a mirror, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord, the Spirit.
You’ve probably heard the adage, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you who you will be in five years.” As people continue to spend time with God, they are slowly but surely be transformed to be more and more like him. He extended His open arms to us, and as we come to know Him, we will inevitably do the same for others.
Sure, God shows up in big moments. He may appear in presence to tell someone they’re not alone. However, God also makes a point of being there in the quiet, small moments of life, and I think one of the biggest goods Christians can do in the lonely world of today is be there for people.
When you check out at the grocery store, you can change the course of a person’s day by asking them how their day is going. You may just say hi to someone as you walk past them on the street. That’ll probably make them uncomfortable, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. We must live life with arms open to receive the lonely people of the world.
A friendship may start with asking someone about the book they’re holding, but as you get to know them, you can give people a chance to share their story. Once you know them, you can slowly but surely point their eyes to the arms of the God who made you reach out in the first place.
Take a minute now and think through how you can practically make this happen in your own life.
[Personally, I work at a Kayaking business. We have a chance to talk to a lot of people in a very short period of time. I love working there, and showing people I care can go a long way.]
As you finish thinking about this, take peace in the benediction from Hebrews 10 below.
Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who has promised is faithful. And let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good deeds, and encouraging one another.
Go in Grace. Go in peace. Look forward to another one of these next week!!
